FCEK beat X-Pats by a fairly convincing 14 point margin.  From Damian the following:

"So we Fcekers are managing to retain our unbeaten record this season - and in the absence of our spiritual guide, Father M, who is currently on a retreat to the famous Polish shrine of "Wozzahaikuska" where he is attempting to brush up on his knowledge of sacred verse!!

 A good, straightforward assortment of General Knowledge questions from the Albert (although whether knowledge of mediaeval alchemy quite comes into that category we were not too convinced!).

We liked the answer given by an X-Patter to the question about the Gunpowder Plot play.  He immediately shot back with "FOR FAWKES' SAKE!" which I'm sure our esteemed leader will be able to convert into one of his celebrated 'clerihaimericks' for us when he returns from his Polish sojourn.

 Just one question quibble about the 'Patron Saint of Europe' question.  Il Vaticano has actually named 6 so far.  In addition to Catherine of Siena (given as the answer) there are: Benedict, Brigitte of Sweden, Cyril, Methodius and, the most recent addition, Edith Stein, a Polish nun who perished in Auschwitz!  Anyone of these could have been given as the right answer!

 All in all, another most enjoyable Wednesday evening for all concerned!"

Electric Pigs beat Opsimaths by the narrowest of margins in the "who can break their duck first" match at the Fletcher Moss.

History Men tied with Ethel Rodin.  Ivor writes:

"An exciting tie at the Red.  Because of Tim and Peter going on holiday to Syria (holidays during the quiz season? - let’s hope they don’t end up chained to a radiator for four years otherwise our prospects will indeed worsen) we were down to three players.  It should have been two players but Ethel gallantly agreed to provide Roz as QM, and we repaid their generosity by having the temerity not to lose.  As the score suggests not an easy quiz for us with 15 questions going unanswered. 

Favourite questions were the whimsical titles - not because we knew the answers (we didn’t) - but because we thought our answers more whimsical namely: “BLOW UP”, “WHAT THE FAWKES GOING ON?”, THE WINDSOR WAY” and “WALLIS & VOMIT”.  I dare say there will have been some other titles worth reporting on the board."

Fifth Finger beat St. Caths.  Kieran's comments:

Hitchcock made two films of the same name, and with virtually the same story, in 1935 and 1956.  The second of these starred James Stewart and Doris Day.  Name the films' title.

A Chairde,

Many of you, I realise, have been very unsettled by all the rumours currently circulating.  Dusty from the Albert was saying at confession only last Saturday evening that her team's slow start to the season was a direct result of her not getting any sleep since August 22nd.

"Bless me Father, but I've become a stranger to the arms of Morpheus",

 she wept confidentially.

 "I'm desperate Father.  My personal physician refuses to prescribe me any sleep potions on the grounds that he is a life-long St. Caths supporter.  I've got to the stage where I spend the whole night pressing the HASH button on my phone but so far nothing has been delivered.  Typical bloody BT - forgive my language, Father, but if they can't supply the feckin' stuff they shouldn't advertise it.  Now stop pfaffin' around Father and grant me absolution and I might still make it to the chemist before they close."

To allay some of your fears I arranged to meet David Blunkett at a secret location for a frank and forthright exchange of views.  What follows is a transcript secretly recorded on one of those nifty little recorders that fit nicely into your underpants.  Sorry about the quality in places but Damart is a notoriously bad sound conducting material and loads of students kept getting on the 142 Magic Bus and they all insisted on making clicking noises with their tongues at Mr Blunkett's dog.  Prats, the lot of them!

Fr.Megson: "Hiya Dave, how's she cuttin'?"

David Blunkett: "Shower of southern feckin'....." (expletives deleted)

FM: "I know you're not with the DWP any more but I was wonderin'- back in 1974 when I was a student some git stole the green giro I was keepin' behind the picture of the Sacred Heart in my bedroom.  Would there be any chance of you gettin' me a replacement?  It was for £14.78."

DB: "....." (eleven expletives deleted)

FM: "Fair enough Dave, sure there's no harm in askin'.  Could I get yer dog another prawn and peanut sandwich?"

DB: "....." (expletive deleted)

FM: "All right so.. (sound of underpants being adjusted)....if I could just ask you about the rumours."

DB: "......" (sixteen expletives deleted) (sound of white stick breaking over priest's head)

Dog: "I think what Mr Blunkett is trying to say is that no, he will not be taking the Old Trafford job.  At least not until the end of the season.  David is of course free to make his own decisions but I may say that his refusal comes as something of a personal disappointment for me since I was looking forward to getting my teeth into Roy Keane's suspect hamstring.  But c'est la vie.  Life is a minestrone as someone wise once said and I believe this is especially true for political animals like myself."

FM: "............. I didn't know you could talk."

Dog: (sniggering) "So how didya think a commie from the socialist republic of South Yorkshire got to be Home Secretary, dumbo?  Jeez, you papist priests are even more naive than the goddamn Tories.  Listen up, bud, Dave here would be zilch without me.  Just another sad washed-up lackey of the lumpen proletariat with bad attitude and an even worse haircut.  Hitler was the same. And Bush.  Even Barbara Woodhouse.  Look behind every great dictator and you'll find a dog."

FM: "Sorry, I'm a bit confused here.  You mean you do everything for Mr. Blunkett?"

Dog: "Well not quite everything, bud.  Otherwise the result of the paternity suit would have been even more embarrassing for the government.  Say buster, you don't happen to have a rubber ball on you?  I feel real frisky today."

FM: "Sorry, I left mine under the sofa.  But what about the local newspaper?"

DB: "I could have been a contender."

Dog: "Down boy!  Yes Father, that part of the rumour is true.  Me and Dave will be down School Lane next week to take the goddamn thing over."

FM: "And will there be changes?"

Dog: "Initially only the rag will change.  South Manchester itself will remain in its current format until January 2006 when all the new Gauleiters will have been fully trained.  But listen ,keep shtumm about the Gauleiter bit.  Pinko Dave here thinks it's goin' to be a Socialist republic.   Tee hee hee....."

FM: "So the newspaper will retain its hallowed title."

Dog: "Mostly.  You Brits sure don't like to have your culture changed.  Mind you, we'll have to tweak it just a little to reflect the new Zeitgeist.  Yesiree, the new Berliner formatted SOUTH MANCHESTER DEPORTER will hit the streets a week on Friday.  So if you have any Czech or Irish or Yorkshire dissidents on your team.....Well you've still got over a week to find replacements."

FM: (sound of gulping) "But you'll still be giving out pots of jam for the best published letters?"

DB: "Oh yes.  I can give you a firm commitment on this point.  I was saying to Cherie and the dog only last week that it is vitally important that we retain our jam.  That's why Tony went to war in Iraq you know.  Somebody has to protect our jam pipeline.  Jam is what makes Britain Great.  And it makes an excellent sandwich.  It's very tasty and far better for you than bloody prawns.  Isn't that right ,dog?"

Dog: "Yes dear."