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A New Season of Discontent
A
fresh season of mental malfunction and stunted ambition is
once again upon us and hope springs eternal in Fr. Megson's
pert yet manly bosom.
"Bring me my pint of burning gold, bring me my arrows of
desire", he croons happily as he manhandles his team into
a sitting up position in the famed Stadium of Murk
(briefly known over the summer as "The Enlightened Palace
of Celestial Murk" in homage to the Beijing Olympics).
Indeed much of Fr Megson's misplaced optimism is drawn from
the recent Olympiad.
"It just goes to show what can be achieved even if you are
born a bit of an eejit", he beamed. "All you need is
the ability to forego the pleasures of youth like going out
drinking and then kissing girls and getting sick, and
concentrate instead on doing interesting things like riding
a bike with funny wheels, or taking up residence for four or
five years in the local swimming pool. Don't worry your
pretty little head about being called 'Norman no mates' -
sure there'll be plenty of time to be antisocial when you
get your medal."
I
have to say, though, that I was a bit disappointed with the
Team Reeks overall performance. One miraculous medal
in the Mixed Doubles Bog-Snorkelling event was a pretty poor
haul compared to team GB. Mind you, it has to be
remembered that most of the team GB success came in
either sitting down or lying down events and just try
sitting down or lying down on top of
Carrauntoohil every night for 4 or 5 years and see where
that gets you. For similar reasons Yngling class
sailing has been slow to catch on as a favoured pastime in
the Carrauntoohil parish. And as for dressage - well,
as yet there is no equivalent event for donkeys and you
would need to pick an awful lot of spuds to be able to
afford to buy your wee girl a dancing horse for Christmas!
But
fair play to the lot of them: they played as a team and
that's what I want this lot to do this season. Why do
people always laugh when I say that? If only I could
get our Brazilian playmaker Roisinho to stop sulking and
sign her new contract, we're quite willing to give her an
extra bottle of Beck's every other week. But, oh no,
that's not good enough for her. She's been a right little
madam ever since that night she got tapped up by the
Electric Pigs. All of a sudden she wants to play for a
team that wins things. Personally I think it's more to
do with playing for a team that is likely to have twelve fittish
young men crammed into the post match shower cubicle.
In a
clever move to ensure that somebody else gets the blame this
season Meggers has allowed himself to be kicked upstairs at
the Stadium of Murk (is'nt the Ladies loo up there? - ed )
as the newly appointed Director of Quizzing. Several
candidates from various teams have already been interviewed
over the summer with a view to filling the vacant Manager's
position. The general standard of those interviewed
was impressively dim but unfortunately none of them was
stupid enough to accept the post. Consequently the
Charabancs will henceforth be managed by a different 'Guest'
Manager each week. This policy has already paid rich
dividends for the team at Have I Got News For You and
for that other well known team of jokers, Newcastle United
FC.
In
the hot seat for their first home match will be Kevin
Keegan, the self-styled people's choice. Kevin is
known to have a track suit and a proven track record in
leaving a lot of questions unanswered so he should feel at
home amongst the Charabancs. The match is scheduled to
end at 11.45pm and Kevin has vowed that he will stay right
to the bitter end. Obviously though, if we fall behind
in the first round he may be forced to reconsider his
options.
Come
along early to avoid disappointment.
Fr. M
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