The Results

Albert just pipped Ethel Rodin in a last question nerve-jangler at the Fletcher Moss, where it seems the errors in the paper did make a difference to the result.  James writes:

"Alf Tupper did in fact appear in the Victor (which, courtesy of the Vauxhall Victor, fitted the theme).  The Victor was a far higher profile comic than the short-lived Rover (see Wikipedia if in doubt).  In such a close contest the fact that we got that 'wrong' and Albert got it 'right' was crucial.  What's more Valerie Amos is no longer the Leader of the Lords - it's Baroness Ashton.

With both the typos falling to us (the 1990s Klondike goldrush and the child prodigy that was Wellington) and such a close outcome we felt a little miffed.

Sadly we now have little chance of finishing 4th (despite beating both the History Men and Snoopy's home and away)."

Getaways got caught out at home by a rampant band of Electric Pigs

History Men fought a tooth and nail battle at the Red and just came out on the wrong side of the peace line against league runners up Charabancs of Fire.  Our correspondents from either side of the Red's battle royal (Ivor and Damian) write -  Ivor first:

"A great contest with the Charabancs coming back to win on the last two questions.  We can't complain as we always enjoy our contests and chit chat with the Charas.  We live in hope that the Albert overcame Ethel Rodin to make the battle for fourth place still live going into the final game." (Ed: Indeed Albert duly obliged by beating Ethel - see above)

....and Damian:

"Yes, the results say it all.  It was as thrilling and as exciting a down-to-the-wire encounter between the Charas and one of our favourite opponents as I have experienced.  After taking the lead by one at the end of Round 1, the Charas were consistently behind in every subsequent round until the final one.  We thought we'd well and truly flunked it but the twists and turns of Snoopy's questions at the very last gasp played out in our favour.  In a Saint Patrick/Irish laden quiz nobody can prevail against Erin's own Father Meggers and his team, not even Belfast's own egghead Ivor.  The revelation that Ivor's ancestors may have actually originated from the boggy north of England rather than misty Irish moors may have been the decisive factor in the end.....either that or he just downed one pint of the black stuff too many!"

SPW romped to a convincing 26 point victory against TMTCH thus confirming their 'Champions' tag for yet another year

X-Pats slumped back after their resounding victory of last week, losing to the Opsimaths who managed to notch up their highest total of the season so far (51 points)

Question Paper - The Verdict

This week the questions were set by Snoopy's Friends.

Themes all the way - and not too difficult for us to unravel (apart, of course, from the unlucky souls who took the first question of each round).  The subject matter was certainly 'Opsimath-friendly' with little modern popular culture and loads of questions about stuff they had given up teaching in our schools by the 70s.  Predictably Ireland played a large role (see Fr Megson's revived piece below about St Patrick's day) - but I seem to recall that Snoopy's papers are often green-tinged (definitely not orange-tinged).  A few obvious mistakes were in evidence (Nicholas Montsarrat, not Alistair Maclean, wrote The Cruel Sea and the Duke of Wellington was born in 1769 not 1869) but these slight lapses caused no real problems and were easily sidestepped.  So, for the Opsimaths at least, this was a cracking good evening's entertainment with some good company in in the bustling Sun in September.  Best laugh of the evening was (Round 8 Question 7) when Jim admitted he'd got all of Daniel O'Connell's albums at home.

It also proved a pretty popular paper for our new (?) league champions at Fortress Griffin.  Kieran breaks off from the champagne-fuelled celebrations to comment:

"Pretty good, high scoring and interesting enough.  Tony and co. seemed to have a few problems with knowing which century they should be in though!

And now that's eleven league titles on the trot.  David was wondering if there was an equivalent achievement in sports. Champion jockeys maybe?  Anyone got any offers?"

Like James (in 'The Results' column) Mary found the typos/inaccuracies a real problem.  She writes:

"Too many themed rounds and a large number of typos were the main complaints - the worst typo being in the date on the Wellington question."

From the History Men/Charas tussle Damian comments on Snoopy's paper:

"Snoopy's questions were a tad on the elusive and long-winded side.  The odd typo such as mistaking the birth date of the Duke of Wellington for 1869 rather than 1769 didn't help whilst Yours Truly was flummoxed by the long-drawn-out-question concerning the many names of Lord Halifax, the pre-war Foreign Secretary.  Thank goodness the aeroplane theme came to the rescue.

 

That said, Ivor's trusty stats report only 4 unanswered questions so that would indicate that there was something for everybody."

.....and Ivor, the Orangeman, writes:

"Too many questions about the 'other Ireland'.  There was I waiting in the Herb Round for a question about Ulsterman Sir John Dill, our greatest soldier-diplomat of World War 2, but nothing.  Instead I get a question about Daniel O’Connell.  Coming from a primary school where the school houses were named after the first three Governors of Northern Ireland (Abercorn, Granville and Wakefield - remember that for a future quiz!) there was no hope that I could play the hero and seal a famous victory.  Grrrrr. 

A dispassionate view of the quiz:

•  only four unanswered questions

•  bit of controversy about the typos

•  uncertainty as to whether Downpatrick is the seat of the respective Irish primates

• a suspicion that Alf Tucker might have transferred to other boys’ comics

 but overall: a thumbs up."

and finally Gary from the Getaways/Pigs encounter:

"One of Snoopy's better efforts this one - judiciary arcana notwithstanding."

(Ed: Typos and definite errors have been corrected in the version of the paper that appears on this site)

'Question of the Week'

This week the vote goes to Round 5 Question 7:

Who, appropriately enough, is the current Lord Chief Justice?

For the answer to this and all the week's questions click here.

Chatterbox

Since Megson has gone all déjà vu I thought I'd bring back another old website favourite.....

Des de Moaner

I'm sure you can improve on my acronymic message.  Let me have your own versions for Kieran and co.

Megson's Pulpit

Another blast from the past.  This piece was published on the website on St Patrick's Day 2005...........

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

St. Patrick's Day - A time to reflect

A Chairde,

Sometimes people stop Fr. Megson in the chemist's and say:

"Bless me father, is it yourself?  Boy, but I was awful drunk at 9 o'clock mass last Sunday and half the time I hadn't a notion what you were chunnering on about.  Would you ever be so good as to run that bit about temperance by me again and also the arrangements for the St. Patrick's Day march?  And would you like me to buy that wee packet for you, Father, 'cause there's only a young slip of a girl serving?"

And you know, in a very real sense, Madge, my housekeeper is right.  It is all too easy to get caught up in life's little debaucheries and to lose sight of the really important issues that pertain to our spiritual realm.  And what could be more important than organising the craic for St. Paddy's Day - it'll be feckin' brill.  So let me run through the timetable again for all of you who were feeling less than sentient last Sunday morning:

10.00 - Mass (please note that this may have to be cancelled if Fr. Megson can't find a new battery for his alarm clock - we simply can't afford to fall behind schedule on such a holy day)

10.14 - Traditional blessing of the Sassenach graves

10.15 - The even more traditional cursing of the Sassenach living

11.15 - Fr. Megson to nip home for well earned bacon butty with all the trimmings and a scalding hot mug of Irish coffee.  Feel free to mill around the chapel gates chewing baccy like demented cows, hawking, spitting and slagging off your feckless neighbours like you do every Sunday

11.30 - Annual St. Patrick's Day traditional parade to commence from the gates of our beloved Church Of The Hidden Ovarie, Ladybarn

11.32 - Annual St. Patrick's Day traditional parade to terminate at the front door of " Vespers", our church social club and exclusive nightclub for discerning gentlemen priests and turf accountants.

The men should make their immediate way to the bar.  Could the ladies please assemble in the cleaner's storeroom?  Please mind the broken statues, most of which have sharp edges.  In the storeroom they will be treated to a gratis and complimentary porringer of Bailey's Irish Cream (75p for pensioners and other unwaged parochial parasites).  The ladies should then bid a fond adieu to Fr. Megson and make their way home in an orderly fashion to pluck the chicken and boil the spuds.

You may remember that last year some auld hoity-toity busybody from the Town Hall tried to take us to task about this arrangement. Well now, Fr. Megson is as Politically Correct as the next priest and I would thank that auld lesbian-bollox to remember that this year. If she cares to look up the relevant Health and Safety ruling (section 6; subsection 24(b) of the 1849 "Proper Placement of Women" act) she will see that this instruction is mandatory and is quite clearly in place to protect our good womenfolk from being subjected to unwarranted attention and compliments in a public place.  There comes a time however when even priests have to be flexible in a heathen country so I would be willing to make the following concession:

If any of you women out there are under 25, have in their possession a leather mini-skirt and matching boots (green would be nice and apposite but don't worry if they happen to be dark red - both would look lovely with a wee black skimpy top) and have had experience dancing on fairly high mahogany tables, then report to Fr. Megson in the DJ booth behind the bar.  Those lucky enough to pass his audition will of course need to to text their kids to remind them to get their own tea that evening.

12.00 (midnight on the 24 hour clock system) - official ending of St. Patrick's Day. Time to stand in a desultory fashion for the National Anthem and then get a final 6 or 7 rounds in at the bar before wending your circuitous way to Fr. Megson's top table for the official inquest.  Traditionally, this can be a very trying time for the maudlin.  So this year I have roped in Sister Conceptua Euphoria to act as a confidante and counsellor.  She's from the order of The Poor Bridgets who run a successful chain of Bail Hostels on Cheetham Hill Road so she'll be well used to listening to sobbers and gobbers like you lot.  But don't spin the "I could've been a contender" yarns out too long because she can't abide bathos and she can get fierce ratty when she's had a few.

Fr. Megson